


He Will Be Gone

by macabre



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming of Age, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-19
Updated: 2012-02-19
Packaged: 2017-11-08 12:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macabre/pseuds/macabre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. The tale of a group of friends in boarding school. In which there is lot of substance abuse and an accident, and learning to forgive again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Will Be Gone

Bhaer Academy is unlike any other boarding school; Charles knows this because he’s been to quite a few. His mother is a fine connoisseur of eligible gentlemen and because she no longer spends more than three weeks out of the year at their family estate in upstate New York, she tells her son when he is twelve that he likewise can no longer live with the butler, nor can he expect to move with her to Aruba. So Charles Xavier begins a tour of the best schools in the country, excluding one in Ireland that lasted only the Michaelmas term.

But this academy has one thing the others never had – Alex Summers, and like the name might suggest, something about slick tan skin and a ruthless nature, Alex is trouble from the moment they meet.

“The fuck is wrong with you, pretty boy?” the blonde boy positively slurs. It’s eleven in the morning, and Charles can’t tell if the kid’s just badly hung over or still drunk or just now drunk. His friend next to him, a tall gangly redhead, is another story.

“Shit man, I can’t go to English. One mention of Madame Bovary’s large endowments and I’m finished.” He’s apparently already finished, because he promptly busts up laughing, his face redder than his hair. Alex doesn’t look amused by this at all for a few moments, then bursts out laughing as well.

“You know what I mean, don’t ya?” Sean elbows Charles roughly in the side. He grunts a little, and belatedly notices Alex giving him a curious once over.

“Aw man, he don’t look like he’d much appreciate any woman’s endowments.” Charles opens his mouth to defend himself, but can’t. He doesn’t know what to say to that. “Doesn’t matter. You can stay.”

And just like that, Alex pulls Charles into his side and drags him to their English class, where Sean has silent fits of laughter the teacher ignores, and Alex falls asleep, half on his own desk and half on Charles’. This is of little consequence to Charles when it becomes clear he won’t be doing any work in the class anyway; instead he tries to ignore the look Sean gives him when he catches the new boy studying the fine hairs on the blonde in front of him.

This is what Charles knows thus far: Alex likes drinking and smoking, albeit he limits himself to nicotine. Sean, on the other hand, smokes everything, and Charles learns that he really does mean everything. The collection of jars Sean has in his room is fascinating, and what’s more interesting is that he doesn’t hide them at all and yet has never been busted. That very night after their acquaintance is made Sean rolls him a joint as Alex hands him a cheap beer and Charles takes them because he honestly believes that come morning he’ll find other friends. Possibly more respectable friends.

That’s not quite how it happens. Although Charles befriends Hank, a brilliant fellow who could literally occupy all his free time with his experiments and like-mindedness, he spends by far most of his time with Sean and Alex as the school term turns from fall to spring. Another new student shows up halfway through the year; Erik is a tall (really tall) typical passive aggressive German who doesn’t talk much to anyone except (for whatever reason) Charles. Charles doesn’t mind; Erik plays chess well and teaches him all the useful (i.e. dirty and derogatory) phrases in his native tongue.

Therefore Hank silently mopes whenever Erik gets to Charles first after classes, because of all the students’ fear of Erik, Hank’s ranks the highest, and the lowest has to come from Alex. Alex who glares just as well as Erik anytime he’s in the same room. In fact, the only time Charles fears Erik is when Alex is around, because the two are ready to tear each other apart for whatever reason. They’ve only said a handful of words to each other the entirety of Erik’s stay, and Charles knows because he’s there. All the time.

“Charles, what the fuck man?” Alex pounces into the room. He stops at the sight of another boy on his friend’s bed. Erik sits up taller and raises an eyebrow. “What are you doing?”

“Having my ass thoroughly handed to me by this gentleman,” Charles replies delightfully. He wiggles his fingers over one pawn just to move them to another piece. Erik isn’t watching him though.

“Do you play?” Erik says Alex, pointedly looking over Alex’s rough leather jacket and scuffed sneakers. Alex glowers.

“Fuck off, I wasn’t asking you.”

“I’ll take that as a no.” Then Erik makes his move as soon as Charles finishes, and Charles cries with happiness, although he’s just lost.

That’s it. The only words ever to pass between the two, although their proximity is never far from each other, as if a silent war has broken out, and somehow Charles is stuck in the middle of it. Sean, for all his helpfulness, finds it hysterically funny unlike he finds anything else funny. And Sean finds everything funny.

After the first chess game there are many more, and Alex is always sitting besides Charles watching. He doesn’t know if Alex is attempting to learn the game, because Charles knows for a fact he’s never played chess in his life, or if he’s simply there to piss Erik off. More likely the latter choice, Charles decides, but does nothing about it because the way Alex so candidly pushes against his side is enough to throw Erik off his best strategy.

One Friday Alex and Sean pull Charles out of the corridor before he can make it to calculus. “We’re calling it an early weekend! Cheers, man!” Sean rattles their bag of supplies – a mixture of alcohol, pills, and joints, of course – and pulls Charles by the arm out of the school. Charles doesn’t resist because it’s been so long (a week) since the three of them have gotten messed up together, and honestly Charles is getting used to the feeling.

Then again, nothing ever feels as good as when Alex roughly pushes him down on his bed and kisses him stupid, admittedly quite messed up. Charles has limited himself to drinking, but he knows Alex popped something with his drinks. Whatever it was, it’s made Alex’s eyes look positively wolfish. He bites on Charles’ neck – hard. Charles moans and it echoes in his head. He’s sure everyone in their hall can hear them.

Unfortunately (and fortunately), Charles remembers their activities with startlingly clear memory the next morning, and when he rolls over and feels the cold sheets, he knows Alex either remembers or has deduced enough. He flinches as if someone has struck him.

But then there’s a faint noise in his ensuite bathroom. Rustling. Scrapping. Charles stumbles into the dark room and switches on the lights.

“Shit!” Charles rushes to Alex’s side, falling over him in the process. Alex lies unmoving on the tiles, face pressed into them. “Alex?” He gently rolls him over and without trying can feel his friend’s racing heartbeat. The next thing he notices is how drenched his body is in sweat.

Charles curses in long strings as he runs into his room and picks up the phone, but before he can dial he barely notices Alex vomiting sluggishly from his position on his back. Abandoning the phone, Charles quickly rolls him onto his side and makes sure all the vomit leaves his mouth. He yells, banging on the wall next to him.

It’s Erik who comes, with Sean arriving a few minutes behind him. Sean is in no position to help, but he tries to comply with Erik who barks out instructions, including the one which demands Charles hang up the phone because he can deal with this.

Charles is blindingly angry with someone unlike he’s ever been angry before; if Alex dies because of Erik’s insistence, Charles doesn’t know what he will do. He wants to yank Alex out of Erik’s arms as he puts him in bed, but already Alex’s breathing is evening out. He throws up several more times, too weak to move, so Erik grasps and holds up his head into a trash pail.

What’s more maddening is the fact other boys from their hall, including Hank, peek in through the cracked door and see what’s happening, although no one does anything about it. Two long hours later and Erik stands.

“He’s over the worst. You can do the rest.” He exits the room, none too gently closing the door. Charles takes his spot on the bed with Alex, wiping his face off with a cool towel. Sean shifts closer to them from the floor. He looks upset, but nowhere near as upset as Charles feels.

“This is incredibly stupid. He should be at a hospital. We don’t know what we’re doing. Alex could-“

Sean cuts Charles off. “This is what Alex wants.”

Something shifts into place, from Sean’s tone and the expression on his face, Charles finally realizes something Erik could understand from one glance. “This has happened before?”

Sean shrugs. “These kinds of things go on your record, man. Alex doesn’t need anything more on that rap sheet. They’ve already tried expelling him once. Alex doesn’t have parents to come and defend him.”

Charles ignores Sean the rest of the day, or until Sean finally leaves. Alex keeps breathing, and Charles still doesn’t call the hospital. By six o’clock that night, Alex is alert enough for his friend to feed him something and then tuck him back into bed. Charles falls asleep next to him early that night, exhausted from a day of worry.

The next morning he wakes up alone again. Panicking, Charles races through the hall to Alex’s room, then Sean’s room. They’re both missing. Running out in boxers and a thin shirt, he finds them on the front stairs smoking.

Everything is a roar in his head. Charles thinks he plucks that cigarette out of Alex’s hand, but he’s surprised to find his feet locked. When they move again, he simply turns and slams the door behind him.

Needless to say, Charles ignores Alex after that. And Sean. And even Erik. He follows Hank around and spends all his time in the lab. He realizes after a week that this isn’t playing it as safe as he thinks; the things Hank works on are in many forms far more dangerous than what Alex and Sean get up to. He’s amazed the school still stands where it does.

He’s not surprised that nothing changes among his old friends. Alex and Sean every now and again tilt their heads at Charles, trying to motion him to join them as they head for the roof with a joint, but Charles just looks blankly at them. Somewhere along the way, he does begin to miss the smell of the smoke and Alex and Sean’s strawberry shampoo.

Finally breaking down, Charles drags Hank out of the lab and onto the roof where he feels quite accomplished because he’s secured his own beer for once. He pushes a bottle into Hank’s hand and chugs his first. Hank politely sips his, or throws it over the side whenever Charles isn’t looking. One or the other. He has enough to drink he can’t tell and doesn’t care. He doesn’t remember going to bed that night but he wakes up in it. Hank is sleeping in his chair, arms crossed, looking almighty uncomfortable. Charles feels simultaneously guilty, thankful, full of affection, and angry. He can’t help but see the similarities to waking up with Alex that morning in what seems like a lifetime ago. Despite this, he stands and covers his friend with his blanket and hits the shower.

Which does little to help him. He goes to class that morning, his English course, feeling frightful. He still sits next to Alex and Sean in the back; they both give him a sympathetic look as he sits. His brain is all mush – can’t think straight, can’t see straight. He slumps over, despite Miss MacTaggert’s sharp glance.

When he wakes, he first notices Alex’s face, how soft it is. The buzzing in his ears is mostly gone, and the sun is bright but not blinding – it’s almost serene around his friend’s face. He blinks, and slowly realizes he’s in the same position Alex was his first day in this very class. He’s sprawled from his desk onto Alex’s, which is slid closer to his own. Alex, quite unlike Charles that day, unabashedly watches him. He smiles – really, half smiles with only one side of his mouth, but immediately Charles recognizes it as one of the only genuine smiles he’s ever seen from Alex. Alex leers and smirks and may have learned a thing or two about smiling like a predator from Erik, but Alex doesn’t ever smile like this. Soft. Gently.

Sitting up, Charles tries to focus for the last few minutes of class, but when it’s over he goes to the lab with Hank, ignoring (and hating himself a little for it) the hurt look on Sean’s face. Later, he stands outside Sean’s room for a full five minutes, debating whether or not to knock.

He doesn’t. He does, however, knock on Erik’s door and play a quick match with him. Erik doesn’t comment on anything past the game and their homework; Charles feels the familiar tug of affection and friendship. After being beat (again), Charles stands and leans over before he knows what he’s doing: he chastely kisses Erik’s forehead. His friend suddenly turns so red he could put Sean to shame. Charles laughs. Erik mumbles something in German as he puts away the board.

He works on Sean next; it’s harder, worming his way into Sean’s time without encountering Alex. Charles just isn’t ready for the blonde yet; he finds Sean alone most often early in the morning. He’s shocked to discover Sean awake at five in the morning – he thinks he must have pulled an all-nighter, but Sean assures him he’s always awake before six.

“But why?” Charles asks. He knows Alex gets up early, but he does sports and has to complete basic fitness in the morning before practice in the afternoon.

Sean shrugs. “First in line for the waffles.” In reality, Charles finds Sean doing homework in the morning because he’s always with Alex at night. “I don’t get high every night, you know. And Alex, he’s not the substance abuser you make him out to be.”

Charles doesn’t say anything. Instead, he punches in more numbers on his calculator. “You’re only young once, you know?” Sean says, and Charles has heard this from so many people in the past year alone he wants to scream.

“Spring break is coming up. We’re headed south of the border. I’d say you can join us, but I might actually be high every day in this scenario.”

He goes anyway, and more surprisingly, Erik comes with them. Alex even invites him. It’s strange to see them on, well, not good terms, because looking at the two one might assume they were more acquaintances than friends, but good enough terms. It’s strange indeed because it seems Charles is the one causing tension. He still hasn’t spoken much (at all) with Alex, and his relationship with Erik and Sean is still mending. Sean sacrifices his “integrity” as he calls it often enough to make them all laugh, just when things are starting to look gloomy for the trip, by doing something outrageous to lighten the mood.

The thing is, Charles discovers how much he loves tequila during their stay, and once he does, he immediately forgives Alex, as if his one (two, three, four…) drink equals several drinks and pills. It doesn’t. What Alex did was stupid and he should have known better. Somehow, the alcohol helps Charles vocalize this (several times) to Alex, who nods, solemn and sincere.

Finally, Erik and Sean just disappear for an entire day, leaving Alex and Charles alone. With the tequila. Bad things happen. Or, really great things. They’re both drunk, although Alex handles it better than Charles (who doesn’t?), and at one point Charles has some problems swimming. In the swallow end. He ends up sprawled across the blonde’s back trying to stare down his own nose to see if his freckles are getting darker.

“Bugger, they are.”

Alex cocks his ear to the side, as if to ask what, but Charles only sighs and leans his head in the crook of his friend’s neck, perilously close to his lips. Alex smiles, and it could be his imagination (often confused with reality at this point), but Charles thinks there is a kiss. A little, tiny one. Right at the corner of his mouth. Charles thinks he sighs contently, but Alex chuckles when he hears the gurgling noise he makes instead.

When Charles wakes up on the beach the next morning quite alone, he thinks, well bugger again. They must have all fallen asleep on the quite uncomfortable lawn chairs. When he sits up, he feels his skin pull from the plastic. He frowns, rubbing at the sharp stripes on his cheek. He looks around to find himself totally alone.

“No man,” Sean laughs at him later at the airport, the whole lot of them looking a bit worse for wear; they’re all incredibly sun burnt to begin with. “We all passed the fuck out in the room almost early last night, and when we woke up this morning you were gone. Erik freaked out – he screamed German obscenities at the cleaning staff.”

Erik pointedly ignores this comment and sips his pre-noon beer at the bar. He’s the only one drinking. “How the fuck did you get that anyway? Drinking on the beach in Mexico is one thing, but we’re practically back in the States. What the fuck man? Were you actually held back several years because you-“

“Sean, don’t finish that question,” Alex warns. Erik raises an eyebrow. “People talk, dude.”

Charles huffs and leans into Alex’s side; he’s exhausted and feels awful and just wants to get on the plane so he can promptly fall asleep, never mind their layover. He’ll make Erik or someone carry him to the next gate.

Once back at school, the four of them don’t quite go their separate ways, but without the beach and the liquor, Charles begins to feel nervous again. He spends the first day back with Hank talking about anything other than break, and when he leaves the lab for his room he ducks behind the wall when he sees Alex hovering by his door. Charles spends the rest of the night hiding in his room once Alex has abandoned it.

He isn’t sure what this lingering hesitation is to forgive Alex now that he’s back in the constant reminder of the room that’s nearly seen tragedy; he knows it’s silly, given their recent activities on break. Alex was more than willing to forgive Charles for dropping him like a bad habit.

“But you’re not scared of Alex’s or my substance abuse,” Sean poetically waxes a week later. “You’re just scared to love Alex. Which I understand, the kid’s fucked up, but Jesus, Charles, you’re just as bad.”

Charles tries to defend himself.

“You’re emotionally all over the place. You love us then you hate us. Me? I don’t take it personally. Alex does. Alex likes you as much as you like him, and he’s hurting man.” Sean blows rings. Like, perfect rings. “So you need to get over your emotionally deficient British nature and go all in or all out. Please. For my sake too.”

“It’s not that simple.” Of course, the more Charles thinks about it, the more he realizes Sean is right. Surprisingly. On a particularly sunny day when it seems like nothing can go wrong, he decides he could waste his youth playing it safe or jump in to see if he can swim, just like everyone has been saying all along.

He goes to watch Alex’s practice that day; the blonde boy really is everything Charles isn’t. He plays soccer, runs track, and hits more home runs than anyone at their school. Unfortunately, Charles can’t lie to anyone when it comes to baseball; he is hopeless at understanding the rules or appeal, but he can appreciate a sweaty Alex in tight white pants. That’s perfectly fine.

Therefore, in Charles’ plan to make things right between them, which he decides to do by trying to go back to the way things used to be, he actually confuses the hell out of Alex. He becomes a cheerleader that spring at all of Alex’s sports events, with a reluctant Erik and Hank by his side, and then a groupie at his friend’s laughable attempt of playing guitar in a band, which Sean joins them for “because it’s more his kind of scene.”

Charles discovers Alex looks particularly good covered in glitter that night. Erik mocks the newly minted guitarist all through the following summer, during which time Charles only gets to see Alex a scant three times, and always accompanied by Sean, but they call and text on a regular basis. He even tries writing Alex letters, but his friend always replies via text message, so Charles gives up on his romantic hand written snail mail letters.

When they get back to school that fall they’re all seniors. It’s to no one’s surprise that everyone knows where they plan to go next year after they graduate besides Alex and Sean. Sean admits his parents are pestering him about attending college, but both he and Alex are more interested in moving somewhere new and getting jobs right away. Charles encourages Sean to visit schools with him, and by extension Alex, but Alex stays silent on the matter.

Regardless of applications for universities, senior year proves to be demanding for all of them, even if it’s mostly time wise. Hank and Charles still spend the majority of their time not working on projects for class, but those of their own curious design. Sean begins a betting pool for the length of time before they either blow themselves up or the whole school.

“So how will we collect if they blow up the entire school with us included?” Erik asks when Sean badgers him about putting in. Alex looks horrified over the proceedings.

So that’s when Alex starts hanging around the lab. He even skips practices to hang out with Charles as he runs about with goggle lines on his face and hideous rubber gloves on his hands. Charles thinks he might be taking the threat of explosion a little too seriously, but Sean laughs at him. “Even I’m not that worried. Alex is just worried about seeing you after this year.”

After this year. Charles stops to think about that. He’s been at Bhaer Academy for over a year now. That’s longer than he’s lasted at any other school since primary. He’s made real friends, ones he hasn’t thought about leaving in any kind of detail. Suddenly, he’d do anything to go back a year and waste his days and nights with Sean and Alex on the rooftop.

As much as he’d like to skip classes to spend their last months together, Charles doesn’t, and he encourages the others to attend everything as well, although most of the boys in their year have less than perfect attendance. Even Miss MacTaggert seems to suggest he take an easy in class. Charles staggers out of that class confused; confessing this event to Sean just ferments his friend’s crush on the teacher even more.

They make a list of things to do before the end of the school year. It starts by Charles demanding a victory over Erik in chess. Sean writes that he wants to kiss Moira (“Miss MacTaggert to you.”) before (“Or after!”) graduation. Alex wants them all to attend a rave together. Hank shyly writes that he wants to go camping with his new (and possibly first) friends. Also, he writes that he wants to find the enzyme responsible for brain deterioration in senile patients in the early stages of Alzheimer’s.

Erik glares at them when they ask him to contribute. They wake up the next morning with a note in neat cursive about learning a fifth language and remaining undefeated in chess.

More suggestions are added over time. Some are crossed off. Others, not. A thick air of nostalgia begins to prematurely settle over them. Time ticks down, and the pressure to make things with Alex work mounts. Charles spends his daydreams with Alex. All of them. The ridiculous part is that in reality, the blonde boy is usually right next to him, and all he’d have to do is reach out and touch him.

He’s not blind either. Alex looks at him as well. He’s fairly sure of the way he feels about Alex, and he’s fairly sure that Alex feels the same, and yet in all this time they’ve had one night together.

They now have less than one hundred nights left. The school has a celebration for all the seniors to mark the countdown. The funny thing is, that after all this time since they’ve stopped tip-toeing around each other, Charles and Alex have affectionately become known as the couple in the group (Sean and Alex are sometimes referred to as the other couple), but while the wall on emotional closeness has began to come down, the two still don’t physically interact.

There are the nights that Alex spends in Charles’ bed, dozing while the other boy finishes his homework, the same homework that everyone else has given up on, mind, and the nights when Alex puts his arm around his shoulder and pulls him in while they meander about in their group. At any point, Charles could lean in and kiss Alex. For some reason, he never does, and Alex never pushes it.

“Do you think we’re being stupid?” Charles asks Erik, because Erik gladly tells anyone when they’re being foolish.

Erik seems hesitant. “Well, I think many people our age wouldn’t understand.”

“Do you?”

He shrugs in his tight black turtleneck. It’s late March. “You both care for each other. What does it matter what I think?” Charles nods. “But Charles, you know that past May things will never be the same. Regardless of whether you two stay in touch or not.”

As he says this, Charles already misses Erik. Finally, senioritis hits him too and he vows to spend as much time with his friends as possible. Sometimes they spend the whole day on the rooftop smoking. Sometimes they venture out to try new coffee shops or African restaurants. They go to a rave. Charles vows never again. They also go to a bar and watch Sean’s attempts at flirting with girls. Hank outdoes him. Alex laughs so hard he cries. Charles leans into him. Alex holds him there, and they end up leaving early with only Erik left behind to supervise the other two.

It’s April and everything is wrapping up. Classes. Sports. College decisions. Relationships. Charles doesn’t know if he’s in one. If it’s started, or when it started. He sleeps in Alex’s bed and wears his clothing (“You look wrong in sweats, Charles.”). He twines his fingers around Alex’s when no one is looking (“We fucking see you two!”). Or not.

He huffs, because he’s never been one to shy away from talking about how he feels about any given situation, and he _has_ been talking about the situation. Or really, over the situation. He decides it’s time to be blunt.  
“Alex, you know how I feel about you, right?”

“Yeah man,” he pats him on the back, very just-friendly. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

Two days later. “Alex, I love you.”

“Love you too, man. You got me both General Tso’s and orange chicken! You’re the best.”

So maybe the timing is off this time. Charles is about to let himself slide down into a puddle of resigned moping, but then Alex leans over and pecks him on the cheek. Just once. Blushing, Charles happily digs into his fried rice.

“Aw, is the happy couple having dinner without us?” Sean strolls in asking, his nose stuck in a magazine. A Playboy, Charles notes a second later.

“Yeah, because my boyfriend is awesome and buys me not one, but two dinners. For one dinner.” Alex stops and looks confused for a moment, then shrugs.

“Chinese is cheap, dude.” Sean throws the Playboy at Alex. Alex tosses it back, hitting his friend squarely in the head. “Ow!”

Meanwhile Charles stuffs his face full of food to avoid looking up. His face is burning, but with the pleasure over the utterance of the word boyfriend. He sneaks a glance at Alex and sighs. Both Sean and him hear it and look over. They laugh.

“Pathetic,” Sean gasps out between boisterous laughs. Alex quiets down, still smiling, and pulls Charles half into his lap. He goes quietly, still pouting, but there are no more kisses that night. Just Alex and him – and Sean, who holds up a pin-up model he thinks looks like Miss MacTaggert. The model is blonde and at least three cup sizes larger.

It turns out they don’t need to talk about it, or they’ve talked about it just enough that Alex can take a hint, because he finally becomes physically affectionate with Charles. When Sean and him race anywhere, it’s with Alex dragging Charles by the hand behind him (and therefore losing every time). The chaste kisses become more frequent, regardless of where they are. Charles still blushes every time.

At night, he sits in his room and looks at the Oxford brochures scattered about. He has a poster of the campus hanging on his wall. It’s been there since the day he arrived. Charles takes it down and carefully folds it up. He replaces it with one of the few pictures he has of Alex and him. It is dwarfed by the sudden amount of off-white walls. Charles curls up on his side in bed and refuses to move for the next couple hours.

He’s half awake when he feels the nails gently tracing around the back of his ear, down his neck and spine. He opens his eyes and sees the white wall. “It’s April 23rd.”

“I know.”

Charles blinks. If he wasn’t so exhausted, he knows there would be tears. But as it is, he turns around and sticks his face in Alex’s chest anyway. His hands shoot out and clench at Alex’s shirt so quickly the other boy flinches, but Charles doesn’t let go. He pulls. And pulls.

Alex squeezes his wrists until Charles has to let go, then the blonde rolls over on top of Charles. He feels good pinned like that. He takes a deep breath and holds it. When Alex kisses Charles this time, it feels like something completely different, meaningful in a whole new way he’s never yet experienced. And it certainly isn’t chaste.

When they’re finished, they go to the rooftop so Alex can have a smoke. Sean and Hank are already there. Charles stares at Hank until he realizes what’s off – it’s the first time he’s ever seen Hank in a hoodie and jeans (clearly Sean’s). It’s rare to see him without a lab coat, period. He also looks extremely paranoid. He looks back and forth between the three of them as Alex lights up and Charles leans against him, despite the early spring heat.

“…What?” Hank asks. No one has said anything. Sean is the first to start laughing. Alex elbows him. “What’d you give him?”

“Mixture of some stuff I’ve had for awhile.”

“…Does weed go bad?” Hank looks confused, and slides closer to Charles as if he’ll save him. Charles wraps a hand around Hank’s arm as he wobbles slightly.

“Steady on, chap,” Charles mumbles, but shoots a look at Sean, who shrugs.

“Listen guys, now that we’re all together, I’ve got to tell you my plan on how I’m going to woo Miss MacTaggert. It’s like Shakespeare-ass shit.” Sean grins. Hank mouths ‘Shakespeare-ass shit’ with a dazed look.

Said Shakespearean influences apparently include Sean breaking into MacTaggert’s quarters after dinner and stripping himself in her kitchen. She finds him almost immediately and shrieks so loudly Hank swears he heard it all the way in the lab.

“The sad part is, I think it’s worked,” Erik comments at the end of that week.

“What the fuck are you talking about? She kicked him out, not that I blame her. No offense.” Alex looks only vaguely apologetic. Sean is moping, playing with the cafeteria pudding that every other student avoids. Apparently he’s lost all attention span even when it comes to one of his favorite activities – eating.

“Well, she hasn’t been able to stop staring at him all week in class.” Erik shrugs, but Sean visibly perks up at this. “You’ve been so busy trying to avoid her, you haven’t even noticed.”

They turn to the faculty table in the lunchroom. Only “Call me Logan and only Logan” and MacTaggert are there currently, and she is indeed staring at Sean. She quickly coughs and looks away, whatever there was on her fork dropping into her lap. Logan raises an eyebrow at her and looks over at their table. All five of them stare back unabashedly.

Sean smiles. “See. Shakespeare-ass shit. Bitches love it.”

As seniors, they finish a week earlier than the other years, which means it’s their last week of classes. Not that there is any work left to be done. The boys go to class simply out of boredom and although they won’t admit it, early onset nostalgia. Charles looks around his classrooms and remembers the failed chemistry lab when he was forced to partner with Sean, and the English skit that Erik and he did that was deemed violent enough to fail the project and be sent to the headmaster. He sits in the desk in the back where he first befriended Sean and Alex, or really, where they befriended him.

When the bell rings on his last class of senior year, Charles feels sharp tears in his eyes. It’s his philosophy class, which he has only with Erik. He knows he’ll see the others in mere seconds, so he blinks quickly and wipes them away when Erik stands to leave.

It’s silly; he’ll stay in touch with Erik, who is going to university back in Germany. He’s confidant of that. And Hank has chosen to study at Oxford as well, a decision Charles couldn’t be happier about. He got Hank well and properly drunk for the first time after he told him. They purchased their plane tickets for August together last month and made sure they’d sit together. They’ve now abandoned the lab for Charles’ room where they plot all the things they’ll do once on campus there.

Through all this, Alex sits silenced. He doesn’t look happy, but he doesn’t look angry or jealous or anything of the sort. He emotes nothing. Sean decides to enroll in a four-year college in California for his parents’ sake, but he’s forthcoming about the fact he doubts he’ll graduate within four years, or at all. He asks Alex multiple times to move with him. Alex closes down every time the subject comes up; Charles presents a different choice, already knowing what the answer will be.

“You could always come with me, you know,” Charles casually mentions. He’s never verbally put the idea out there before, but he’s left information about visas on Alex’s desk.

“No, I can’t.” He says it like it’s simple. Like it isn’t a choice at all.

Charles frowns. They only have the weekend until they have to move out. Alex’s room looks like he’s already gone. “Why not? I think you’ll like it there. We’ll get a little place and you can work as much or as little as you want-“

“Stop it, Charles.”

“Why won’t you at least consider it?” Charles gets a sharp look, then a shove onto his back. Alex leans over him.

“I’ve already got someplace to go, okay?”

“But you didn’t apply anywhere.”

Alex snorts. “You think the guidance counselors would have let me get away with not applying anywhere?”

“Oh.” Charles is stunned. “Where are you going? And why didn’t you tell me? Did you tell Sean?”

Shrugging, the other student picks at the lint on the bed. “I’m heading out west with Sean. We’ll be within driving distance of each other.” He pauses. Charles feels a sting of jealousy towards his redheaded friend for the first time. “I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. I decided kind of late, I guess.”

The shock wears off over night, and in the morning Charles is happy to congratulate his boyfriend. They won’t be in the same place, and he knows that it’ll be hard to keep in touch with Alex in particular, but he also sure as hell knows he’ll try. Charles has a toast in his room that night, mentioning Alex’s decision. He misses the look of surprise on Sean’s face, and how it turns quickly to anger.

They move out of their student housing and attend their ceremony, during which they’re all in varying stages of tipsy to drunk, except Erik, who out drank them all and still sits perfectly composed. Hank (none too quietly) mentions at least a dozen times how thankful he is the school didn’t make him do the student speech like he was supposed to. Charles likewise turned them down; the honor is all Worthington’s.

Hank’s mother is a hippy; they meet her after they walk and all she can say is how glad she is that her boy met people like them, friends who can “show Hank a good time.”

“We certainly did that,” Sean assures her. His parents look just like him – he’s the perfect combination of them both, and his little sister clings to them all wildly, even Erik, who suffers it with a smile. A semi-scary smile. Sean steers her away from Erik and back to Hank.

Mr. and Mrs. Lehnsherr don’t speak English beyond hello and goodbye, but his mother positively glows around her son. She says the say thing over and over again in German; Charles assumes it’s something along the line of how proud she is.

His own mother leaves before the end of the ceremony; he gets to watch her stand and crawl over other families to the exit. Charles is surprised she came at all, and shrugs when his friends glance at him.

Alex has no one. He’s mentioned an older brother a scant few times, but the nicest thing he ever called Scott Summers was a dick. He and Charles stand by themselves while the others mingle with family. Alex gives him the tiniest smile, the one that means trouble, and tilts his head toward the door. Charles ducks under his arm and slings one of his own around his boy’s waist, and together they leave their own party.

They hit their favorite places first – restaurants, coffee shops, donut stands, the only bar that would ever let them in. They order one thing at each place and move on. Sean and Erik join them before it gets too dark. Hank leaves that night to jumpstart his summer in a lab at Cornell; Charles would feel guilty for not saying goodbye, except he’ll be next to him on a plane in three months time.

It’s a good night between the four of them. They end up at the edge of the city where a fairground is set up for carnival. They eat too much and ride too many things that spin. Alex’s mouth tastes like cotton candy and Erik smells like sauerkraut after one brat. Sean has sparklers that he waves precariously close to the tops of kids’ heads. On the way to the hall of mirrors, he stops directly in front of Erik, who crashes into him with a grunt.

“Oh. My. God.” All four boys look directly ahead at Moira MacTaggert, clad in a halter dress showing a lot of leg. Heels. Red lipstick. Certainly not her allowed garb for school.

Sean turns to them. “This can still count as before graduation, right?”

Charles isn’t sure if he’s happy or sad to say this is the last time he sees his friend, because Sean did get what he wanted in the end, or so he said. They watch him march straight over to their ex-teacher and dip her down into a kiss. MacTaggert is clearly shocked, but doesn’t push him off. When she stands, their group can’t hear the conversation happening between the two of them, but it’s long enough they decide to wander on. Sean never meets back up with them; he claims he followed her home.

Saying goodbye to Erik is hard enough that night, but the next morning he stands mute on the train platform as Alex hands him his bags. Charles has cried over the coming of this moment before, but now nothing comes. They kiss. And kiss. Other travelers clear their throats and bump into them. But Charles has a dry face through it all.

Finally, Charles whips away. “I love you. I’ll see you soon.” With that, he turns and hastily knocks into the back of a woman as he scrambles up the train stairs. He doesn’t look back, instead walking through several cars towards the front so he can avoid seeing Alex. When the train pulls away, he wishes he hadn’t.

He spends the summer with Raven, who honestly isn’t bad company now that she’s a little older. He can’t help but worry about having to say another goodbye to her too come fall. She seems heartbroken about it already.

As he imagined, corresponding with Hank and Erik is easy. Even Sean occasionally answers a phone call, albeit at odd hours in the morning. Alex picks up a call occasionally, but Charles isn’t surprised when he bails on their summer trip back down to Mexico without a reason. Charles doesn’t even try to change his mind about it.

“He’s not going to school out west, is he?” he asks Sean when he catches him at 4 AM his friend’s time.

“Naw. As far as I know, Alex is working and has no plans to go back to school.”

“Yeah.” Charles knows he’s being irrational, but he imagines only the worst in the future for Alex. “Keep an eye on him. Or an ear out. Whatever. Just make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble, will you?”

“Charles man, Alex will be fine. Don’t count him out just yet.”

Late August brings Charles and Hank together on a plane. Hank talks nonstop about his work in the lab at Cornell; Charles stops listening, but only after the first three hours. They’ve already brainstormed new ideas for projects that they suspect they can apply for funding from Oxford for. Charles is genuinely happy to be with Hank again, and starting classes again in a couple of weeks, but he still feels tired, like there hasn’t been a night of rest all summer. And in some ways, there hasn’t.

“Are you okay, Charles?” Hank asks. It’s black outside the plane and there is little lighting in the cabin.

“Course.”

“This is your dream. I remember you told me that the first day I met you. Oxford and all that.”

All that just includes something else now.

 

 

 

 

 

Epilogue One – In which everything is the same five years later (aka the happy ending):

 

 

“You ready for this?” Erik asks, straightening his tie, even smoothing out a few stray hairs. “Ah, another gray, Charles. At this rate you’ll be completely gray at 25 and bald at 30.”

“Hush now.” Charles nervously rocks back and forth on his toes, letting out a long breath. “It’ll be fine. I’ve prepared myself adequately for this. Just give me a minute before you follow, alright old chap?”

Erik smiles at Charles like he’s been smiling at him every day for the past five years, but in reality they’ve only seen each other a handful of times over those years, rendezvousing in European cities. Not to mention no one but Erik ever wrote him letters. Charles feels like he’s just as close to Erik as he is to Hank, who he logistically does see almost every day. It’s why he asked Erik to accompany him on this trip.

“Right. Off you go. Good luck.” Erik nudges him towards the door. “You should have done this sooner.”

There’s just the briefest moment of hesitation, then the door swings open as if by its own accord. Charles moves forward, propelled by forces outside his own body. His legs carry him there while his mind is painfully, blissfully blank.

He stops just short of the table. “Hello.”

It’s like that time hasn’t passed at all. He’s traveled back just over five years to find Sean with his feet kicked up on the table and Alex slouching in his chair with his arms crossed, just like that first day of school when Charles didn’t want anything to do with them. Somehow, they’re all he’s wanted and lacked at Oxford.

And just like then, Sean turns to him with the goofiest of smiles and welcomes him with open arms, like he’s not surprised to see him. Charles squeezes his old friend then turns to the something else. That someone else. Alex is looking down in his lap, avoiding eye contact.

“What took you so long?” Sean asks as Erik steps up behind Charles.

“My God, Sean, degrees take time,” Erik replies, taking off his thick leather jacket. “Speaking of which, did you ever graduate?”

“Naw man, I got married.” Thank God they didn’t have drinks yet; Erik would have spit his out. Charles likewise lunges for his friend’s left hand. The evidence is there.

“Congratulations.” Erik sounds a little numb, but accepts Sean’s hug with one arm.

Meanwhile Charles sits in a chair poised carefully close to the blonde. Alex looks the exact same – still the sleek, fit Adonis of his teenage years. There are more freckles on his face, and his eyelashes seem lighter. There’s a new scar, just a pale pink dash right under his jaw, precariously close to Charles’ favorite mole.

Alex takes his breath away. So he takes his hand and waits. Sometimes it’s not enough to change the future. You’ve got to bring the past back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Epilogue Two – In which nothing will ever be the same five years later (aka the ending that isn’t Alex/Charles):

 

 

Throughout his time at Oxford, Charles dates a lot of men, even occasionally takes home a woman. He puts in the time, does more with these people, goes farther with these people, and yet Charles is unequivocally unhappy with his romantic life. His professional career may be shaping up just the way he always planned, but it’s not enough. Even Hank, who abhors any time spent off campus, is supportive and understanding enough to spend nights in the back of bars as a poor wingman.

“It’s been years, Charles,” Hank mumbles while bent over a microscope. He focuses it. “That’s a long time to get over someone. We’re not kids anymore.”

For the first time in a long time, Charles is angry. With Hank! Hank, who never raises his voice and never confronts anyone, and the hatred comes so blindingly fast and sharp that it leaves Charles feeling ill. He gets away quickly and avoids Hank for two weeks, although he’s forgiven him just a day later, but now Charles is confronted by the lingering words. He’s right - it’s been a long time. Alex is no longer a part of his life. They haven’t spoken in two years.

Charles writes Erik several times that week. He knows all these letters will probably arrive precisely the same time, and Erik will have to scramble through the pages to put everything together, but Charles also knows if anyone can make him feel better, it’s Erik.

What he doesn’t except is for Erik to be sitting outside his apartment approximately five days after he sent the last letter. “Charles.”

He’s so grateful, Charles feels a few tears forming. He hugs his old friend as tightly as possible. When they pull apart, Erik asks if he’s alright.

“It’s all very silly, isn’t it?” Charles asks as he stirs the milk and sugar into his tea. Erik leans across the table with an extra scoop of sugar; Charles has only put in one. It’s to his testament that Erik remembers how many scoops of sugar he prefers even after all this time.

“Perhaps.” Erik sips his drink. Charles can tell he’s mulling over his next words. “What you had with Alex certainly wasn’t silly; it was the young love most everyone wishes for and so few get. But Charles,” he pauses, clenching his jaw. “Hank is right. It’s been a long time. If you saw Alex now, he would be completely different. Hardly the boy you fell in love with. He’s a mystery man now. And it’s up to you whether or not you need to reach out one more time to prove it to yourself, or if you’re ready to move on.”

Funny thing, but Charles finds he doesn’t need to think about it too long; reaching out to Alex now seems impossible. Erik stays the week and they hit some of his favorite places from past visits and new ones as well.

“Don’t you have a job waiting back in Switzerland?”

Erik smiles, just a quick, humorless smile, before his face turns deadly serious. He pauses. “Charles, you know why I never particularly liked, Alex, right?”

“What do you mean?” Charles is frowning, but he continues walking along the bridge, lazily watching the seagulls. “The two of you had the only aggressive personalities in the group. It made sense that you never got on very well. You both did alright though.”

“I made the effort. For you.” Erik grasps Charles’ elbow to bring him to a stop. “Charles, when I first met you we were in French class together and I had to listen to you butcher your way through Dumas, and it didn’t matter how bad your pronunciation was or the way you had to stop every ten seconds to push your hair out of the way, I thought, Mein Gott, isn’t he beautiful?”

Charles is stunned. Erik continues, rushing out the words like they may be his last. “The truth is, I know how you feel about Alex. The length of time you’ve pined after him. I know, Charles. I relate. Because I feel that way about you, and what I said about Alex is true. You’ve either got to move on or reach out. Well, I’ve waited long enough too. I’m reaching out, because I never had the chance.”

Floundering. That’s what Charles is doing. A remarkable impression of a guppy. “Erik, I had no idea!”

A raised eyebrow. “Really, Charles? No idea at all?”

Well, he’s right. Charles has always wondered if Erik’s behavior towards him is entirely friendly. He does things – like drop everything to fly out and be with him when he’s lonely and depressed over his high school sweetheart.

“Look, I had to tell you. You don’t have to accept it. You can even forget about it, just after you’ve properly thought about it, alright?”

Perhaps Charles is of impulsive nature, but like his decision about Alex, he doesn’t need much time to think about this either.


End file.
